Gulf Shores

Gulf Shores
Photographer Patricia Gulick

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

7-26-13 RMB Love is a Skill

7-26-13 RMB Love is a Skill
Dear Rita Mae Brown,
Here is another quote I found on the website that my editor friend, Jennifer Silva Redmond, referred me to for writing techniques. “Love is a skill you learn” by Chuck Palahniuk.
I would not have previously considered love a skill, but it makes so much sense. It applies to love in all types of relationships. I recently had a conversation with a friend about her daughter’s relationship with her daughter’s father. I saw much of my father in the description of my friend’s ex husband.
She’s known me several years and has heard me speak of my father before. She added to the comparison that my father has made more efforts to connect with me. She pointed out the significance of his efforts. Perhaps it was from her sharing her perspective that I loosened up some. When I called to tell him about the sister in the hospital, we had a longer conversation than usual.
He asked about my writing and I told him about all of it. He’s already read the RMB letters written up until our reunion. I told him about a series I have in mind that I have written so little of and I told him about the love story America. He said he wanted to read it all.
“The love story is between two women, Dad.”
“That’s okay. I want to read whatever you write.”
“It includes sex, Dad…between two women.”
“That’s what sells books these days. I want to read it.”
After our talk I emailed it, along with the recent RMB letters and other bits, before I had a chance to chicken out. Hmmm, maybe I am growing up or, perhaps, improving on my loving/trusting skills. Maybe he is too. I dare say, love is a complicated skill.
Since the reunion, through the conversation with my friend and in recent talks with my father, I have thought a lot about your father. The time you had with him was so brief and yet there was so much love there, a whole lifetime’s worth. “Love doesn’t die. It keeps growing.” Nickel says this of her father in Bingo as she speaks of her love for him growing through the years since his passing.
This is one spot where I see so much of you in Nickel…and so much of your father in you.
All my best,

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