2-25-14 RMB Angry to Grateful

2-25-14 RMB Angry to Grateful

Dear Rita Mae Brown,

This week I lost my temper over a broken window, broken from carelessness. There were extenuating circumstances and added stresses, but in the end my temper did me more damage than the shattered glass. And in the end, my friends were there when I needed them. I ran the gamut from angry to grateful in one night, an emotional roller coaster ride.

Looking back on that night, I see clearly it wasn’t about the window. It was about respect, responsibility and accountability; what is expected of me and what I have to offer to meet that expectation. I fell short on all accounts and was only able to rise above the situation with the counsel of friends. 

I tell them often enough that everything will always be all right that they expected me to make is so, one more time. Only this time, I couldn’t. I had run out of my fixing everything steam, spent and at a loss, emotions exploded. Friends came to my aid, even those that I was unable to help. Did they see that my frustration was as much with myself for my shortcomings as it was with them for their expectations?

What I learned about this temper of mine is that it is not about the thing that you hold in your hands, it is about what you hold in your heart. Even I need to be reminded everything will be all right now and then.

Still learning,

Loraine